After this article, I am afraid one of my biggest secrets would have been revealed. I am a huge fan of Ebony Reign’s music! Yes! Bite me! Lol! This fa
After this article, I am afraid one of my biggest secrets would have been revealed. I am a huge fan of Ebony Reign’s music! Yes! Bite me! Lol! This fact has always triggered surprised looks and reactions from people who “really know me.” One of such moments was very recently when a friend felt the need to first apologize for the next song on his playlist whilst introducing me to trending Afrobeats.
As expected, he was utterly shocked when I stated that not only did I know the song, but that it was actually a favorite of mine. The look on his face said it all, it begged for further explanation, and so I did.
For those who do not really know who she is; Ebony is a female Dancehall artist who is either known for her dislike for bras, or find her on any day on stage, most probably teaching bedroom skills to college boys or having “God-fearing” personalities like our very own comedian, Funny Face, worship at her alter. I probably need an entire separate article deconstructing Ebony’s bad girl movement, but for this piece, let’s explore how to enjoy her latest hit, “Sponsor,” without squinting, puking or giving up on womanhood entirely.
The storyline in “Sponsor” is as straightforward as it sounds. Ebony, the self-acclaimed bad girl, is seeing an older man, also known in our environment as a “sugar daddy.” As expected, the relationship is explicitly transactional: She benefits from his money and status, and he, from her youthful exuberance. But there is one problem, Old guy isn’t as “endowed” in bedroom matters, as he is in his finances. And the young men who can easily “fill this gap” don’t meet her financial upkeep. So what is a girl to do? Choose money/power/status/comfort over sexual satisfaction, or vice versa?
Aside the great beat and smartly chosen innuendos, one other way to enjoy this beat “guilt-free,” is to look “on the bright side.” While the scenario may be “tackily” portrayed in the song and video, this story, truly is a reality for most women in our society. Even for the fraction of women who wouldn’t typically do a sugar daddy, they are left to compromise on several traits or opt for one quality over the other when it comes to settling with a partner. As Ebony battles with this dilemma, I am encouraged to think outside the box.
I am personally moved to a point where I wouldn’t have to comprise on anything when it’s time for me to settle down. If we look keenly, we can easily identify one crucial factor here: women in our society haven’t been engineered to do certain things for themselves, the reason the decision for a partner in marriage often comes with a lot of sacrifices.
The selection process for us usually begins with, “What does he do? How much does he earn? What are his connections? Which family does he come from?” Usually, this consideration supersedes all others, like: Physical attraction, temperament, personality, intellectual compatibility, etc. Two main antecedents could account for this:
- We have successfully “bred” girls who actually believe that being able to do certain things on their own is a liability, rather than an asset. Therefore, we have also taught the average Ghanaian man to be disinterested in self-made women. So if the average Ghanaian girl is looking to some male savior somewhere during marriage to take care of her financial upkeep, very little emphasis is placed on other qualities/values needed in a marriage union.
- Secondly, our society has since time immemorial, deliberately ignored women’s sexuality and we continue to downplay its importance in marriage. Almost to the point where it appears a taboo, for a woman to prioritize a man’s physical attraction or her sexual preferences in the selection process.
At the end of the day, it becomes one or the other. A “smart” woman in our society, therefore, becomes one who chooses financial security over all else. But really, who are we kidding? Sex is a vital aspect of marriage. So when it comes to women, why do we like to pretend is a non-factor? Money or financial security is equally important, so is character, and so on and so forth.
For me, I wish we can bring ourselves to the point where women do not have to choose one over the other. The point where we are no longer forced to ignore our sexuality in order to have food on our table, or clothes on our bodies. I imagine a time where because we are financially independent, smelly armpits, pot bellies, unsavory dental construction, and illiteracy are not overlooked in the men we choose. That we would envision that which we want and wait till we get exactly that which we anticipate for.
Dear African woman, suffering is not a virtue. Marriage is meant to be enjoyed, sexually, financially, emotionally, and intellectually. Today, strive to build yourself to the point where you don’t have to choose money over other equally important traits. Otherwise, you may have to live life grooving to Ebony’s “Sponsor” till thy kingdom comes!
Disclaimer: This is not an endorsement for sugar daddies, neither is it an endorsement for “dabi dabi ebeye yie” boys. At the end of the day, know what you want and make sure getting what you want doesn’t equate you giving up on one essential quality over another.
For now, I have “Sponsor” on replay…Yeah, bite me!
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